what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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