Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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