It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
