Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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