My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
