Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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