But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
