i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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