people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
