I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
