somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize