Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
