Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
