I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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