i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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