I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
