apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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