Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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