So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
