fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
