i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
