thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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