i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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