It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
