I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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