If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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