I accidentally had phone sex last night
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
