you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
