i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
no, he came in my armpit
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
