Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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