new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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