I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
