What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
