i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
