'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
