I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize