I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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