who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
