well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
