Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize