its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My vagina is very pro this idea
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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