sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Randomize
