ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
