Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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