using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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