Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
