Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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