We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
