so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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