Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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