He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
