Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
should my penis look like a turkey
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
