So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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