Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
