The maid of honor just puked.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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