He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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