Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
