so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
