Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
