Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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