You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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