Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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