I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
