Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
