You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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